"Oh, Madeline," she said. "You made it just in time."
"What is this?" Madeline asked.
"It's a funeral for your dog, Crystal. We thought that Crystal should have the proper burial in order for you to have some closure. Please sit and take my sweater."
Debra took off her black oversized cardigan and put it over Madeline's shoulders. She then led Madeline to the chairs and directed her to the open seat next to Homer. Madeline sat down, looking confused and totally drained.
"Hey, baby," Homer said, putting his arm around her. "How was your morning?"
"I slept all day," answered Madeline, "so I don't know how my morning was. I had no idea about this."
"I had no idea about your dog dying. I'm sorry, baby."
"Excuse me if I don't look hot right now."
"Hey, you're always hot."
Madeline's father cleared his throat loudly, staring at Homer, who was sitting next to him.
"I mean you look alright."
Lizzie walked up behind the podium as the girls took a seat. "Hello, fellow mourners," she declared. "We are gathered here today to honor the lovely dog of Madeline King who happened to die tragically in an accident and the person who caused the accident did not mean to do it on purpose. Crystal Priscilla Aguilera Kardashian King was born in April 2006. Madeline adopted her in August 2006. Madeline's parents were so proud of their daughter's academic achievements that they decided to take Madeline to the pet store and pick out whichever animal she wanted. It was love at first sight. Madeline dreamed of the day to get a dog so she and the dog could resemble Paris Hilton and her dog. I'm gonna let Skye come up and sing us a song dedicated to Crystal King."
As Skye stood up from her seat, Madeline looked at her and asked, "Is my dog in that shoe box?"
"Shush," Skye ordered without looking at her friend.
"How did you get her in the shoe box?"
"Shut up."
Skye made her way towards Lizzie and stood in front of the podium, facing the visitors. Loudly and beautifully, she began to sing.
Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wrench like me
I once was lost
But now I'm found
Was blind
But now I see
The visitors applauded Skye. Madeline didn't applaud. Not that she didn't want to; because she was still flustered. Skye bowed before going back to her seat.
"I'm gonna let my steady, DeMarcus Jones, come up and say a few words," Lizzie announced.
While Lizzie walked to an open chair, DeMarcus got up and smiled at her. He walked up to the front of the crowd and stood behind the podium.
"Hey, mourners," he said with his deep voice. "I never really spoke at a funeral before. I've been to a few but never spoke. So I'm gonna try to speak from the heart. Personally, I never knew Crystal. She sounds like a good dog. I love dogs. I have one myself so I kinda understand how you feel, Madeline. If I lost my Hercules, everything would go down. So I'm sorry that you lost your dog. I don't know why Lizzie is going out killing dogs like that. I would've never dated her if I knew she did that. Sorry to put you in the hot seat, babe, but what you did was wrong. Uh, I hope Crystal is in dog heaven, chasing her tail and being happy and whatnot. But if you have a hard time being without her, Madeline, don't worry. I'm gonna make enough money to get you another dog."
"She doesn't want a dog," shouted Andrea.
"Oh, for real? Alright, then a cat. I don't know if there are fluffy cats that look like your dog but I'll do my best."
"Thank you, DeMarcus," Madeline said flatly.
"Okay. Thank you, everybody!"
DeMarcus walked over to his seat while Lizzie made her way to go back to the podium.
"Thank you for that speech, DeMarcus," said Lizzie. "That was kind and generous of you. And I do not go out killing dogs! Alright, so our next speaker is Debra Lincoln, who is one of Madeline's best friends. Plus, she's a Lincoln so she knows how to make a speech."
Lizzie made her way to her seat when Debra stood up. She walked around the crowd and traveled to the back of the podium.
"Thank you, Lizzie," said Debra. "I'm not actually related to Abraham Lincoln. Salvete omnes. That's Latin for 'Greetings to all'. I've known Crystal as long as I've known Madeline. She was a cute dog. So energetic and wise. Anyone would've been lucky to have her. I loved her. Not as much as Madeline did but there was love. Actually, there was a point in my life where I didn't like Crystal that much. I thought she was racist. Every time she would see me, she would always bark. And when she would see Lizzie, she didn't bark. And I didn't get it at the time. So I sort of hated that dog, only because Andrea would play with me and make me think that Crystal didn't like me. She thought it was funny and it wasn't. And later, I learned to love Crystal so it was okay. I don't think she was racist. Um, a wise woman that I never heard of but respect once said, 'Grief is like the ocean: it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.' I think you're doing a good job swimming, Madeline. I don't ever want you to drown but I know you're not. You're too strong to let yourself drown. But if you ever feel like giving up, I know Crystal is going to be right there to help you keep moving. So swim for her, Maddie. Swim for Crystal. Namaste."
Debra walked directly back to her seat which was behind Madeline's mother's seat. She turned around to face Debra who just sat down.
"Hey, that was lovely," Madeline's mother whispered. "But bear with me when I ask this: are you on drugs?"
Debra dropped her smile into a frown. Madeline's mother decided to not hear the answer so she turned back around. Debra pursed her lips and slid her tongue over her front teeth with her mouth closed while staring at the back of the middle-aged woman's head.
Lizzie went back to the podium to speak to the visitors once more. "Before we draw this burial to a close, there's one last person who has to speak and that's Madeline. Come on up, Maddie. I know you would like to say a few words."
Madeline looked around before getting herself up. Lizzie smiled at Madeline before she took a seat. Madeline slowly walked up to the podium and stood behind it, looking puffy and still drained.
"Hi," she exhaled. "Um, I didn't expect that. Heck, I didn't expect this funeral." She nervously giggled then put on a straight face. "Um, where do I start? Well, Crystal meant a lot to me obviously. She was like a baby to me. Except I would leave her alone sometimes since there was always a lot of water and food in her bowls. Sometimes I kept her in a cage but I didn't like that. I felt like that was restraining her. And of course, my herbivore friend, Debra, would say to me, 'Don't put her in a cage. Animals deserve freedom. So on and so forth.' But yeah, she was like a child to me. I would feed her, dress her, play with her and take care of her. So to have your baby go..." Madeline began to get choked up. Her eyes began to water. "... i-it's hard. It's really hard, you know." She wiped the bottom of her left eye while looking up. "She was so young. I mean she was seventy in dog years but ten in real life is young. And I feel like I wasn't there enough. I know I had to go to school but sometimes I just wanted to take her with me." Madeline sniffled, letting the tears run down her face. "And I just felt so guilty. I feel like her passing was my fault and I didn't even kill her. But maybe I did. Maybe if I kept a better eye on her, she wouldn't have left. It's not entirely my fault but it is my fault. And it's so-- Skye, are you crying?"
Skye dropped her hand from her face. "Hmm?" she looked up at Madeline with reddened eyes.
"Were you just crying right now?"
"Uh, no."
"Yeah, you were," Madeline's voice croaked. "You were just crying."
"Uh, I believe that was you. You were crying if you happened to forgot." Skye sniffled and quickly wiped the corner of her eye with her thumb. "Yeah, that was you."
"Oh, my God, Skye. I never seen you cry before."
"I wasn't crying. And I'm not. So... finish your speech and stop bullying me."
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