"Why haven't you said anything?" he asked Jeffrey.
"I don't know," Jeffrey answered quietly.
"He said something now," DeMarcus pointed out.
"Everyone had something to say except for Jeff," noticed Kyle.
"I guess I didn't want to be any trouble," said Jeffrey.
"Why would you be any trouble? Do you have a smart mouth... like everyone else in this room?"
"I don't have a smart mouth," said Calvin.
"You keep saying that you're not gay."
"That's because I'm not gay!"
"See? Smart mouth."
"How am I a smart mouth when I'm defending myself? I'm just trying to tell you that I'm not gay."
"So you're not a virgin?"
"No! Wait, what?"
"You claim that you're not gay and you really like Madeline. So I assume that you had sex with her already."
"Well..."
"Have you?"
"No," Calvin mumbled.
"I'm sorry. What?"
"No."
"I can't hear you."
"I said no! I never had sex with Madeline! I'm still a virgin!" Calvin crossed his arms and looked at the ceiling.
"I've went third base before," admitted Jeffrey.
Calvin glanced at Jeffrey.
"You what?" asked Kyle.
"I've went third base," Jeffrey repeated. "You know, with Skye. After senior prom, she felt really bad about cheating on me in the past. So she let me touch her breasts so I can tell my friends about it."
"Did you touch them under the bra or over?"
"Ew, Kyle," said DeMarcus.
"Under," Jeffrey responded. "They were very warm. That's probably why her nipples weren't hard."
"Come on, guys," said Calvin, covering his eyes. "I don't want to talk about Skye's nipples."
"Then let's talk about Madeline's nipples," suggested Kyle.
Calvin squint his eyes. "I never seen them. Even if I did, I would never talk about them. You just want me to keep saying I'm a virgin over and over again until you're satisfied."
"So?"
"If you want to talk about nipples so bad, let's talk about Debra's nipples."
Kyle's smile dropped.
"Oh, yeah, we should," said DeMarcus. "She's got small breasts so I'm pretty sure that most of them are just areolas."
"Stop it!" Kyle commanded. "Don't talk about my girlfriend's breasts!"
"Why?" asked Calvin. "We just talked about Skye's breasts."
"Jeffrey doesn't care. I do. Debra's my girlfriend and I will not let you talk about her nipples!"
"So you've seen them?"
"No!"
"So are you a virgin?"
"I--" Kyle sighed. "Yes, I am a virgin."
"We're all virgins," said Randall. "It's so obvious."
"It's obvious for you."
"Our girlfriends are a bunch of prudes, man!" said Calvin.
"That's fine," said DeMarcus. "Lizzie is saving herself for marriage and I appreciate that. It shows that she finds sex to be a sacred thing and not something to play with."
"You know, as a guy, when you grow up, you are taught that sex doesn't have to be special at all. But when you hear things like saving yourself for the right person, it makes sense. Sex is a serious thing and when it happens for me, I want it to happen with someone I really care about and they have to care about me, too."
"I don't think about sex very often," admitted Randall. "I get too wrapped up in things like math and science. But Andrea, she's an Amazon. It would be a lie if I said I never submitted to wild fantasies about her. But I'm just not quite ready to take her. I appreciate the relationship we have at this moment. I don't want to spoil it with animalistic attempts to copulate. Let's just be humans and not animals."
"There's nothing wrong with being an animal," said Kyle. "Animals are a part of nature. Besides, we're kinda animals."
"But we're not."
"Evolution says so."
"Theories of evolution have been disputed."
"What does 'copulate' mean?" asked DeMarcus.
"Oh, read a book for once, will you?"
"Why do you gotta be so uptight?" questioned Kyle.
"Why do you gotta be so downtight?"
"That's not a word."
"I just made it a word."
"Look, you need to chill."
"I don't want to have sex either," spilled Jeffrey. "Touching Skye's boobs is enough. I don't feel the need to have sex with her. But I have thought about it. I figured if I have sex with Skye, she'll stay in love with me forever and I won't have to worry about losing her again."
"You can't use sex to trap somebody," said Calvin. "That's not how it works."
"But when girls have sex with someone, they fall in love with them if they weren't in love already."
"But you should trust that she loves you. If you don't think she feels that way, you shouldn't be with her. I felt that way about Madeline, now I trust that she feels the same way about me."
"You love Madeline?" asked Kyle.
"Did Adam love Eve?"
"It's disputed," said Randall, looking at the ceiling.
"The answer is yes."
"Sorry for calling you gay," apologized Kyle.
"It's fine. I have gay parents, so that's probably why I seem... gay, I guess. I got two dads. One of them used sperm to impregnate a surrogate so I wasn't adopted. I got gay dad genes."
Kyle chuckled.
"What do you have against gay people?" DeMarcus asked Kyle.
He looked at DeMarcus. "I got nothing against them," he answered. "I just figured if you're gay, you should admit it. I know we live in a world where some people are not okay with it but that didn't stop the millions of gay people who are themselves. I wanted Calvin to embrace it, even though he didn't have it."
"Well, I'm not gay," said Calvin. "I just have gay parents. And a few gay friends. I'm not ashamed of my life. I wouldn't change it for anything."
"Hey, I appreciate that, man," said DeMarcus. "I love gay people. I got a gay uncle and he's my favorite uncle so I got no reason to be ashamed. I also like lesbians. But if you're a girl who's not lesbian but likes to make out with other girls, I support that, too. You know, I've tried to watch Cruel Intentions. There's supposed to be a scene where Selma Blair and Buffy the Vampire Slayer make out. I watched it on TV and they cut that part out. I don't know why but they did. So it comes on again but on a different channel so I'm thinking, 'They're gonna make out.' Then they didn't. So one day, it comes back on but on another channel. I'm thinking, 'This is it. They're gonna show it. I'm gonna see it.' It comes on; the part is still cut out. I don't understand why they would cut that part out. Is it too hot for TV? Because they let that Tosh guy do whatever he wants and I don't see his show going off the air or anything like that any time soon. Now if I want to see the makeout scene, I got to go watch it on YouTube, which is not what I want to do because then it'll be all fuzzy. I need to see it clear. So what I got to do is rent the movie for three ninety-nine if I don't want to buy it for eleven ninety-nine. You're telling me I have to pay money to watch that scene when I could've watched it for free on TV? THAT'S SICK!"
The guys stared at DeMarcus for a while. He didn't know what to say after that. Then Kyle started slow-clapping, prompting the other guys to applaud DeMarcus.
"Wow," Kyle said. "That was incredible. You just got passionate about something."
"Thanks," DeMarcus said, smiling.
"That was dumb," Randall commented.
"Good for you," Kyle said to him.
"You know, I can never tell Lizzie about that," said DeMarcus. "She wouldn't understand."
"I know what you mean," said Kyle. "Debra can never know that I look at cheesecake."
"Your secret is safe with me, my cheesy brother." DeMarcus gave Kyle a fist bump.
"I don't know about that," said Calvin, shaking his head. "I might have to tell Madeline and she could tell Debra."
"You better not say a word," Kyle demanded, pointing at him. "Alright? Debra can never know this. You better not say a word!"
"What are you going to do? Waste me? You're not so tough. You want us to think you're tough but you're not. I just remembered something; you write poetry. You were in the yearbook for poetry club and I think I saw you one time reciting a poem for One Mic Night."
Kyle moved his eyes left and right.
"Oh, yeah, I remember that," said Randall. "I had to go because a few members from math club were participating at One Mic Night to sing a song about pi. You recited a poem about flowers. That's not something a tough guy would do if you happen to rely on the definition of a tough guy."
"Dude, you read a poem about some flowers?" asked DeMarcus.
"Alright, you caught me," said Kyle, putting his hands up. "I guess I'm not so tough after all."
"Good," said Calvin. "I was never scared of you anyway."
Kyle snickered.
"What kind of pie was the song about?" DeMarcus questioned. "Cherry pie?"
"No, the number pi," replied Randall. "Three point one four one five nine--"
"Yeah, you don't got to tell us all that," said Kyle.
"I don't have to listen to you, poetry boy."
"God, you sound just like my father."
"Good."
"Are we going to be like our parents?" asked DeMarcus.
"Why do you ask so many questions?" Kyle asked.
DeMarcus shrugged.
"I heard when you grow up," Jeffrey started, "your oysters sag."
"Oh, man," DeMarcus murmured.
"Good thing mine are tight and ready for fertilizing," said Calvin.
DeMarcus chuckled. His chuckle encouraged the other guys to chuckle. Then their chuckles turned into laughs.
"Oh, we're going to be best friends," Calvin said through his chortles.
"I wouldn't push it, Calvin," laughed Kyle.
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