"Who taught you how to choke?" Kyle panted. "Your mother?"
"Don't talk about my mama!" DeMarcus demanded, beginning to charge at Kyle.
Calvin continued to hold him back. "Hey, don't stoop to his level," he said to DeMarcus. "He's just trying to get a rise out of you."
DeMarcus glanced at Calvin before staring down Kyle. "You're lucky Lizzie's not here. I don't want her to see this side of me."
"I don't think you can get any angrier than that," said Kyle. "You're nothing but a teddy bear."
"Hey, teddy bears are cool!"
"Sure they are."
Straight off, Calvin's phone started beeping. He took it out of his pocket and looked at the screen. Madeline was requesting a FaceTime with him.
"Oh, Madeline's calling," Calvin warned.
He answered the call and Madeline's face took over the screen. He could Lizzie looking clothes in the background.
"Hey, baby boy!" said Madeline, smiling.
"Hey, baby girl!" Calvin responded.
Kyle snickered.
"Are you still at the house?" asked Madeline.
"Of course," Calvin replied. "Why would I leave?"
"I don't know. I figured someone would. Everyone else is still there, right?"
"Yeah, of course. Nobody left."
Madeline squinted her eyes. "Let me see."
Calvin eyed all the boys, prompting them to get up. The boys grouped with Calvin, getting their faces in the small screen in the corner of the phone.
"See?" asked Calvin. "We're all here."
"Oh, goodie!" said Madeline.
Lizzie turned around and stood by Madeline, looking into her phone. "Oh, hi, my summer sunflower!" Lizzie said, grinning.
"Hi, my cherry blossom," DeMarcus responded.
"Everything's good over there?"
"Yep, we're getting along like Tom and Jerry."
"Tom and Jerry don't get along," Madeline corrected.
"Oh, then I guess whoever's not Tom and Jerry, we're getting along just like them."
"Okay."
Kyle began reaching under Calvin's shirt and pinching his back. Calvin tried to use his free hand to swat Kyle away. But Kyle continued to pinch him, trying to make it look like he's not doing anything. Calvin didn't want to make it noticeable to Madeline but he felt himself making faces, which he tried to restrain.
"So I was just calling to let you know that you guys can have lunch," continued Madeline.
"Oh, cool!" said DeMarcus.
"You may help yourselves to the fridge and the cabinets. I have a ton of food. Please don't drink all my water and eat my fruits. I'm on a no-sodium diet."
"Got it," said Calvin, scrunching his nose.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes, I just need to pee, that's all."
"Well, you should've peed in your house before you came here."
"Yeah, you should've peed in your house," repeated Kyle.
"And don't make a mess," Madeline ordered. "With the food, not with your pee. But don't pee and make a mess with that either."
"Okay, Madeline," said Calvin, his eye twitching.
"I suggest you hold in it until I say you can use the bathroom."
"Madeline, we got to go."
"Alright. Hey, did Sean come over?"
"Yes, which I find excessive," started Randall, "because if you're checking up on us, why would you need a lackey?"
"So me and the girls can take our time at the mall."
"Of course you would say that."
"Whatever, Randall."
"Madeline, we need to go!" Calvin said really fast with his eyes closed shut.
"Okay. See you when we get home."
"Bye, Maddie," Kyle sang, waving his one hand. His other hand continued to pinch Calvin's back.
"Bye?"
"I love you, Mister Goodbar!" said Lizzie.
"I love you, too, my Pay Day!" replied DeMarcus.
Calvin ended the call. He dropped his phone on the couch so he could use his hands to hit Kyle repeatedly.
"Ow, ow," Kyle said deadpan. "That hurts. You're really getting me."
The boys went in the kitchen and opened up the refrigerator and the cabinets. They picked out the food and snacks that they wanted to consume. When they were done, they went to the dining room and sat at the table to have their lunch.
Kyle sat down with two cans of Pepsi. He decided to throw one of them to Jeffrey, who catches it without even looking at it. Kyle looked at what Calvin got: a plastic container of sushi and California rolls. He even brought his own set of chopsticks.
"You're eating sushi?" asked Kyle.
"Yes," Calvin answered irritably.
"Wow, you really are gay."
"Straight guys can enjoy sushi for lunch!"
"I guess they can. What else are you going to have? A cherry Pop-Tart?"
"Will you shut up and let me eat? I figured you would understand my appreciation for this food."
"Why? Because it's an Asian food? Sushi is Japanese; I'm Korean. So, no, I don't understand your appreciation for this food. At least not a hundred percent."
Kyle and Calvin heard rustling and looked over to DeMarcus. They were surprised to see how many items were on his side. There were so many that Kyle had to list them aloud.
"A triple decker sandwich, a tortilla wrap, a family-size bag of chips, a small bag of little cookies, an apple and a carton of milk."
"It's not an apple," clarified DeMarcus. "It's a tomato. See?" He picked up the fresh tomato and showed it to the guys. "Madeline said to not eat the fruits."
"Tomato is a fruit," said Randall.
"Oh, is it?"
"Why the frick are you eating all this?" asked Kyle.
"Food creates fat. I need fat to build muscle. I always eat like this before I work out."
"Who said that you got to eat like that to build muscles?"
"My coach. My old coach."
"Uh-huh." Kyle looked at Jeffrey, who was doing something really interesting.
All the guys watched Jeffrey separate two slices of white bread on his paper plate. By the plate was a little box of Cap'n Crunch, a rolled-up bag of granulated sugar and a plastic-covered slice of American cheese. He unwrapped the cheese before placing it on a slice of bread. Then he unrolled the bag of sugar and gently poured it on both bread slices. Next, he opened the box of cereal, opened the sealed bag and poured that on the slice with the cheese. He used his hands to crush the cereal down. Jeffrey put the slices together, bits of cereal and sugar falling onto the plate. Then he gave his sandwich a good chomp. As he crunched his lunch, he saw all the boys looking at him. Not believing what they just have seen, they all slowly look away.
Kyle got up and sat next to Randall. He brought his can of Pepsi with him. Randall just started picking up the sandwich he made.
"What are you having?" Kyle asked.
"It's none of your business," Randall replied.
Kyle snatched the sandwich out of Randall's hands and began examining it.
"What are you doing? Unhand that! Unhand that, I said."
"Why do you talk like Stewie?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"That's a shocker." Kyle tossed the sandwich onto Randall's plate. "You cut off the crust on your sandwich?"
"I don't like crusts."
"And it's just sliced turkey and lettuce. Really?"
"Hey, it's my sandwich. Where's your lunch anyway?"
"Oh, it's this." Kyle held up his soda. "But I did bring something. You guys want to see?"
"See what?" asked DeMarcus.
"Well, it's in my car."
"Kyle, you can't go to your car," mentioned Calvin. "We're not allowed to leave the apartment."
"But if we do leave, we got to leave together and all we got to do is come back."
"Listen, there is no way we're leaving the condo."
"I can't believe we just left the condo!" Calvin said.
"Will you be quiet?" requested Kyle, who was leading the way.
"What if we get caught?" asked Randall. "Sean is supposed to be watching us."
"I don't see Sean anywhere. He probably went home. I could feel he was bluffing about keeping an eye on us."
Kyle took his keys out his pants' pocket and unlocked his cool car. He opened the door to the backseat.
"You guys like cheesecake?" he asked.
"Oh, not at all," replied Randall. "I'm lactose intolerant."
"Not that kind of cheesecake." Kyle crawled inside and pulled down the hidden armrest in the middle of the seat. Out of the compartment scattered numerous papers with scantily clad women photographed on them. Kyle grabbed as much as he could and showed them to the guys. "This kind of cheesecake," he said.
"Pornography?" asked Calvin.
"Not pornography. These women are classy. That's why they're half-naked."
"Why does it look like you tore them out of magazines?" asked DeMarcus.
"Eh, my dad can't have all the fun." Kyle closed the door. "Now let's go." He locked the door and led the way back to the building.
As the guys followed him, they all saw Sean standing by what seems to be his car. The guys panicked and went the other way. They tried to find another door that leads inside the building but every turn they made, they saw Sean in their path. They went one way, he was there. They went another way, he was there. No matter where they were running, Sean was somehow in the way. And he had no idea that the fellas were outside. He just kept wandering and wandering. Finally, the guys ran into a dead end. They bumped in front of a tall, black fence.
"Oh, no, we're trapped!" said Calvin. "Madeline's gonna dump me and leave me for Sean. Okay, she might not go to Sean but she's still gonna dump me!"
Kyle shook his head. "No, she's not," he said. "I'm gonna distract Sean. You guys find a door."
"You're gonna risk your relationship with Debra?"
"She deserves better. But I got an idea." Kyle turned to Randall and stuffed all the photographs down his slacks. "Here."
"Unnecessary," said Randall.
"Good luck." Kyle began running the opposite way with the guys watching him disappear.
At the top of his lungs, Kyle sang "Gangnum Style" by South Korean artist Psy to get Sean's attention.
Najeneun ttasaroun inganjeogin yeoja
Keopi hanjanui yeoyureul aneun pumgyeok inneun yeoja
Bami omyeon simjangi tteugeowojineun yeoja
Geureon banjeon inneun yeoja
Sean heard the singing and knew something was up. He ran through paths and looked around, following the voice.
Eh, sexy lady
Op, op, op, op
Oppa Gangnam Style
Eventually, Sean bumped into Kyle and grabbed him by the wrists.
"Well, look at what we have here," Sean said.
"Naelyeo! Son chiwo!" Kyle uttered, struggling in Sean's grip.
"Uh-uh. Don't use your foreign talk on me." Sean took Kyle's hands behind his back and restrained them as if he was about to handcuff him. "You know, I've always admired your relationship with Debra from afar. I wish you were Calvin right now. Why couldn't you be Calvin?"
"I don't know, man. I'm just a rebel."
"Well, this rebel is going to get into serious trouble when the girls find out that you left the condo."
"Wait! Before you call Madeline, can I show you a magic trick?"
"A magic trick?"
"Yeah, I've been dying to show somebody this trick I learned. The guys didn't care to see it so I was wondering if you want to."
Sean let go of Kyle. "Fine. I like magic tricks."
Kyle faced Sean and put up two fingers -- his index and middle finger -- in front of his face. "Okay, follow the fingers."
He moved them left and right at a slow pace. Sean's eyes moved along with the fingers. After moving his fingers for a good five seconds, Kyle's ring finger and pinkie joined with his thumb still at his palm. Then he used that hand to chop Sean in the shoulder. Like mad, Sean dropped to the ground, out like a light.
Kyle shrugged his shoulders and fixed his black leather jacket. "I love being Asian," he muttered to himself.
Ding-dong!
Calvin got up from the dining chair and answered the door.
"How you doin'?" Kyle asked, coming in.
He walked towards Randall, who was sitting at the table, and gestured his hand. Randall rolled his eyes before digging into his pants and pulling out the crumpled-up photographs. He handed them all to Kyle. Calvin went back to his seat.
Kyle started passing the photos around the table so all the boys could catch a glimpse of at least one. For a while, the boys, except for Calvin, took a look at the pictures, hooting and laughing at them. Calvin tried to finish his sushi but couldn't help but glance at the boys as their laughter grew louder.
Kyle saw how bug-eyed Randall was when he caught sight of a big-breasted woman in nothing but a pair of suspenders. Kyle unhooked his sunglasses from his plaid shirt and gave them to Randall. He put them on and continued to look at the photo. He saw it in a whole new hue, which made him snicker, trying to refrain from cracking up. Kyle laughed at him.
Feeling like Calvin was being left out, Kyle handed him a photograph. Calvin took it and gave it a look. He began to laugh, which made him choke on the sushi he was currently eating. Rice and bits of seaweed flung out of his mouth. The guys watched him cough and started laughing.
"Boys cannot handle their cheesecake," said Randall in a funny voice. "That's what it is."
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